Montag, 12. Januar 2015

He could have been a god and became a monster instead. - Random Ideas



„You were like a son to me.“

He didn’t shift or even move his eyes, he just stood there, motionless, emotionless, the flames inside him so hot nothing in the world could ever have withstood them, just white hot nothingness.

“Hell, you were a son to me!”, the man called, the man who had took him in after the parents he couldn’t even remember had died in an accident. “I took you in, merely a baby, and I cared for you like you were my own. I never hit you, and with every problem you had, I tried my best to help you and be there for you. You were my son.”

He remembers those years. The years in this golden prison, this kind man and all those expectations behind him. All those unspoken and spoken words of a great future, of him to grow into the wisest  man ever known after it became clear how extraordinarily smart he was, a great leader to become, and how big this gift bestowed on him was. And how big his duty to use it to its fullest.

“And then you joined this people, this rebels, and I was even glad because you had friends, son. Friends who showed you greatness and godness and light when you couldn’t find it yourself and when I couldn’t reach you. I was thankful to them.”

“All those years you feared me.”, he whispered, and his father turned around, the old eyes big and shimmering with uncried tears. He came to him, whispering “No,” and “You are wrong, I never,” and all those lies. “All those years you paved me a path to go and you were glad when I followed your lead blindly, because you were afraid of what could happen if I ever left that path. You were glad when I found this friends, when I found him, because that meant someone was able to control me, and that someone had a good soul. You were afraid because you knew I was a weapon –“

“No!”, his father roared, “You were never born a weapon, you were born a god!

“- because you knew I was a weapon about to go out of control!” He had nearly screamed the last words, his throat hoarse and burning. “You were afraid, and I found them, and when we took off to kill the mad king, to bring light to this world, you tried to keep me from it.”

“I just – I was just fearing for the life of my son, I –“

“Don’t. Lie. To me.” His eyes were steel, white glowing steel, and as much hatred as he beared, he was tired. So tired.

 His father just stood there, not breaking the eye contact for minutes while they both stood silent, just searching the truth in each others eyes. And even now, with his son chained up and every ounce of fire spark sealed within him, he saw the fear. The fear of a bomb about to explode, not the fear for a beloved child.

“I knew what fighting would do to you.”, his father whispered tired, looking away, and he just slumped down, every bit of hatred or even fighting will leaving his body and just making him numb and tired. So tired. “I knew that this mans visions were great, but also how much fighting it would take, and as much as I wanted him to succeed, I didn’t want you to take part in that. I knew you would kill people, and I knew that there was shadow in you because there’s always shadow when a flame burns bright. Unlike every other element, fire always also meant darkness.”

“You knew that from the past fire elementars.”, he whispered with his scratchy, numb voice, and his father just nodded, again and again wiping tears from his face.

“Yeah. They never lived long, and they always meant great tragedies because there never was someone there in time to stop and guide them. I thought if I just gave you the right way – and you had every ounce in you to go there! – you would realize what the best for you was. You were not only born with the fire, you were also born so incredibly smart. You should have become the wisest man there was, with a power and a mind fit to lead the people, to protect them. You should have become the god you were destined to be, the biggest hero of history, the first fire elementar to not succumb to the darkness in him.”

“I was never born a god.”

“You were.” The eyes of his father told him of the fear all those years. The fear right now. Fear of the flames being far greater than the love for his son, fear great enough to sentence him to death. “And there was a time you believed that too.”

“Because you set expectations I didn’t have choice but to fulfill. Because you tried to control me with all what you had, forming me after your will, every moment afraid to lose control over my soul. Because you even made me lose myself with all of your will blackening my own thoughts, my own soul out.”

“Because I loved you!”

And even so, even though he said that, he wouldn’t come near the son he swore to love. Not come near him because he was afraid, not come near him despite his movements and his fire sealed and locked away by chains and sealing paper no one, not even him, was able to break.

“I even tried to help you when those friends of yours, those heroes –“, he spat out the word like something disgusting, “- began to turn against the people they had sworn to free, when all they did was leaving death and mayhem behind, when this great king of yours went insane and you protected him! Even then. I protected you, did everything I could so you wouldn’t be hunted, so you would be forgiven!”

“Because you were afraid of resistance. You knew perfectly well that I could kill every foe who came near me, and no one would be able to even come near me if I felt threatened. You didn’t want to protect me, you wanted to protect the people I could have killed. Because you were sure I would kill, and you didn’t want me hunted because you were afraid of me, of the mayhem I could cause if you drove me into a corner.”

The words just drained him even more, every one of them numbing him, and he was so tired with all of this. It didn’t matter anymore, he didn’t care anymore if this man admitted the truth because the most important one he had already spoken out loud. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing did.

His father was quiet for a long time, and when he turned around and faced him again, his face was haggard and sad.

“You could have become a god.”, he whispered, sounding tired and just flatout finished with him. “You had it all to become a wise man. You were born a god, and instead you just became this monster. You aren’t my son anymore.”

“If this one here isn’t, I’m afraid you never had a son.”, he just answered, the flames inside him dead and leaving only cold ash for now. Tired. So tired of all this things long past, and his bruises and wounds aching and throbbing so hard he could barely manage a clear thought anymore. He felt wet blood running down his cheek from under the bandage, and the water elementar saw it also, moving his hand as if to wipe it away, then stopping, his face hardening, and just going away with one last glance.

“We’re finished.”, he told the guard at the door with the voice he had heard his whole life, the voice of a commander.

“You were the commander of a weapon, and when the experiment failed, you didn’t want to comprehend that with it failing, you would lose all the control and all of the things you wished for. You never feared for me, you were always just afraid for your own sake.”

The man sunk into his chair and folded his hands, as if all of this was just another matter cleared off his daily list. “Bring him away.”

You never wished for me to become a god, he thought wearily and closed his eyes as the guards circled and grabbed him, less leading than just brutally dragging him. What you always wished for was the endless power a weapon like me could have given you if you were the only one able to control it.

Freitag, 9. Januar 2015

Love And Why, In Dark Long Nights, I Wish I Had Never Ever Fallen In Love - Because

Because this second chance is worth nothing without knowing where you are, without even knowing whether you are still alive.

Because you made me question why I ever thought I would be better off alone, and then I was alone again.

Because I love you, because you are the only one, because all this words I never said hurt as much as those I did, and because you were the first I ever cared about. And because I wish I could go back in time to change everything, to show you that you are the Only One. I'd say sorry.

Because there's still hope in my heart - hope that's it's not hopeless, that I'll see your smile again. Because I search for you in every face I see, look for your eyes and your smile in every stranger on the street. Because I will lay it all to bare, tell you all my secrets, all my fears.

Because it's flawless. You're the Only One, you're My Only One.

Don't you know?

Or am I fading from your mind, has not just your head, has your heart forgotten me? Are you searching for me in every stranger, or did the distance blurr the lines?

Because some things won't heal with time, because I linger on every precious word I can remember. Because I know those memories are more than I deserve, and because I'll probably just make it worse, but I need to tell you that I'm sorry. Because you are My Only One, and I love you, and I'm sorry, and because I don't have the slightest clue of where you are.

Because I don't know where you are, but you still are my only one and I can't hold you anymore. Because this old heart of mine still hurts with every memory, because this old, stupid heart can't let you go. 

Because I told you everything, because you are the only one for me, and because I need you to know that.

Do you know?

Do you know that you are the only one I have ever loved like this? Do you know that you will be my only one forever?

Because you made me question why I ever thought I would be better of alone.

(Enthält Text von James Blunt - "The Only One". Enthält die Gefühle eines dummen, schmerzenden Herzens, das nicht vergessen kann und will.)