„You were like a son
to me.“
He didn’t shift or
even move his eyes, he just stood there, motionless, emotionless, the flames
inside him so hot nothing in the world could ever have withstood them, just
white hot nothingness.
“Hell, you were a son to me!”, the man called, the
man who had took him in after the parents he couldn’t even remember had died in an
accident. “I took you in, merely a baby, and I cared for you like you were my
own. I never hit you, and with every problem you had, I tried my best to help
you and be there for you. You were my son.”
He remembers those
years. The years in this golden prison, this kind man and all those
expectations behind him. All those unspoken and spoken words of a great future,
of him to grow into the wisest man ever
known after it became clear how extraordinarily smart he was, a great leader to
become, and how big this gift bestowed on him was. And how big his duty to use
it to its fullest.
“And then you joined
this people, this rebels, and I was even glad because you had friends, son. Friends who showed
you greatness and godness and light when you couldn’t find it yourself and when I couldn’t
reach you. I was thankful to them.”
“All those years you
feared me.”, he whispered, and his father turned around, the old eyes big and
shimmering with uncried tears. He came to him, whispering “No,” and “You are
wrong, I never,” and all those lies. “All those years you paved me a path to go
and you were glad when I followed your lead blindly, because you were afraid of
what could happen if I ever left that path. You were glad when I found this
friends, when I found him, because
that meant someone was able to control me, and that someone had a good soul.
You were afraid because you knew I was a weapon –“
“No!”, his father
roared, “You were never born a weapon, you were born a god!”
“- because you knew I was a weapon about to go
out of control!” He had nearly screamed the last words, his throat hoarse
and burning. “You were afraid, and I found them, and when we took off to kill
the mad king, to bring light to this world, you tried to keep me from it.”
“I just – I was just
fearing for the life of my son, I –“
“Don’t. Lie. To me.”
His eyes were steel, white glowing steel, and as much hatred as he beared, he
was tired. So tired.
His father just stood there, not breaking the
eye contact for minutes while they both stood silent, just
searching the truth in each others eyes. And even now, with his son chained up
and every ounce of fire spark sealed within him, he saw the fear. The fear of a bomb
about to explode, not the fear for a beloved child.
“I knew what fighting
would do to you.”, his father whispered tired, looking away, and he just
slumped down, every bit of hatred or even fighting will leaving his body and
just making him numb and tired. So tired. “I knew that this mans visions were
great, but also how much fighting it would take, and as much as I wanted him to
succeed, I didn’t want you to take part in that. I knew you would kill people,
and I knew that there was shadow in you because there’s always shadow when a
flame burns bright. Unlike every other element, fire always also meant
darkness.”
“You knew that from
the past fire elementars.”, he whispered with his scratchy, numb voice, and his
father just nodded, again and again wiping tears from his face.
“Yeah. They never
lived long, and they always meant great tragedies because there never was
someone there in time to stop and guide them. I thought if I just gave you the
right way – and you had every ounce in you to go there! – you would realize
what the best for you was. You were not only born with the fire, you were also
born so incredibly smart. You should have become the wisest man there was, with
a power and a mind fit to lead the people, to protect them. You should have
become the god you were destined to be, the biggest hero of history, the first
fire elementar to not succumb to the darkness in him.”
“I was never born a
god.”
“You were.” The eyes
of his father told him of the fear all those years. The fear right now. Fear of
the flames being far greater than the love for his son, fear great enough to sentence
him to death. “And there was a time you believed that too.”
“Because you set
expectations I didn’t have choice but to fulfill. Because you tried to control
me with all what you had, forming me after your will, every moment afraid to
lose control over my soul. Because you even made me lose myself with all of your
will blackening my own thoughts, my own soul out.”
“Because I loved you!”
And even so, even
though he said that, he wouldn’t come near the son he swore to love. Not come
near him because he was afraid, not come near him despite his movements and his
fire sealed and locked away by chains and sealing paper no one, not even him,
was able to break.
“I even tried to help
you when those friends of yours, those heroes
–“, he spat out the word like something disgusting, “- began to turn
against the people they had sworn to free, when all they did was leaving death
and mayhem behind, when this great king
of yours went insane and you protected him! Even then. I protected you, did
everything I could so you wouldn’t be hunted, so you would be forgiven!”
“Because you were
afraid of resistance. You knew perfectly well that I could kill every foe who
came near me, and no one would be able to even come near me if I felt
threatened. You didn’t want to protect me, you wanted to protect the people I
could have killed. Because you were sure I would kill, and you didn’t want me
hunted because you were afraid of me,
of the mayhem I could cause if you drove me into a corner.”
The words just
drained him even more, every one of them numbing him, and he was so tired with all of this. It didn’t matter
anymore, he didn’t care anymore if this man admitted the truth because the most
important one he had already spoken out loud. It didn’t matter anymore.
Nothing did.
His father was quiet
for a long time, and when he turned around and faced him again, his face was
haggard and sad.
“You could have
become a god.”, he whispered, sounding tired and just flatout finished with
him. “You had it all to become a wise man. You were born a god,
and instead you just became this monster. You aren’t my son anymore.”
“If this one here isn’t,
I’m afraid you never had a son.”, he just answered, the flames inside him dead
and leaving only cold ash for now. Tired. So tired of all this things long
past, and his bruises and wounds aching and throbbing so hard he could barely manage a clear thought anymore. He felt wet blood running down his cheek from
under the bandage, and the water elementar saw it also, moving his hand as if
to wipe it away, then stopping, his face hardening, and just going away with
one last glance.
“We’re finished.”, he
told the guard at the door with the voice he had heard his whole life, the
voice of a commander.
“You were the
commander of a weapon, and when the experiment failed, you didn’t want to
comprehend that with it failing, you would lose all the control and all of the
things you wished for. You never feared for me, you were always just afraid for
your own sake.”
The man sunk into his
chair and folded his hands, as if all of this was just another matter cleared off his daily list. “Bring
him away.”
You never wished for me to become a god, he thought wearily and closed his
eyes as the guards circled and grabbed him, less leading than just brutally dragging him. What you always wished for was the
endless power a weapon like me could have given you if you were the only one able to control
it.
